I felt looked at. When I walked in, I felt like for some reason, something had changed. Like this wasn’t church anymore. Like someone bought it out and changed everything. It had a new feel to it. Yet I knew it was old. I knew, that some 17 years ago, I was baptized in that water filled pedestal in front of the church. That five years later, I attended CCE and did my first communion and confession. I ate the body of Christ for the first time in that same building. Yet I still felt like a stranger. Like I was a freshman walking into a school of thousands of people that I didn’t know. We sat in the last row of pews. I still felt someone staring at me. People reciting their prayers surrounded me with words that I could not remember.

When mass started, the voices of the pastor and other staff somehow had an echo in the small building. We greeted the people around us and it helped my feelings fade away. However, when the readings and songs started, everyone had seemed to have everything memorized. And I just Sat there. Stood there. Knelt there. I followed what other people did, telling myself that one day I will be able to memorize what these people have memorized.

But I realized, its not about the memorization. It’s about the fact that I got up at seven o’clock on a weekend and took time out of my day to join a group of people prioritizing God. It doesn’t matter if I don’t know everything about everything; as long as I try my best at being a part of something bigger.

It’s only been four weeks so far and I am already getting into the rhythm of the church. When to stand, what to say, who is who. I already feel  like I am a part of something and I just started.

If you ever wanted to go back to something that you once did, a hobby, activity, anything, just do it, you will get back into the rhythm of things faster than you would think.