Senior year is a cup of tea, but I do not know if it is my  cup of tea yet.

I am presented with an elegant cup of china that holds my future, my happiness and an unfamiliar liquid.

I am attending a huge tea party with my classmates and we all are pretending to know exactly what we are doing; but, to be honest, we are completely and utterly lost.

There is so much pressure to make it perfect, that I’m holding the cup with shaking hands. I am so nervous that I will drop it and it will chip any second now. A chip in the memory, a chip in the heart. A chip that soon I will have to explain to my college classmates.

I want this to be shattered, I cannot wait for the year to be over. But as I smile to the guest across from me, I think. About how I will miss awkward hallway moments. About how I will never be able to share these moments with the same people. About the people I pass by every day and soon I will never see them again.

I’m afraid if I put too much emotion in this year,  that the cup will end up burning me. Parties, football games, AP classes- I’m adding all of these sweeteners and I’m afraid that I am losing the real taste of a senior year and only tasting a sugary imitation of what I truly long for.

I want to taste the bitterness,  the sweetness, the moment I finally feel awake after not getting sleep last night. I want to feel the pain of being with someone two streets away and that suddenly turns into two hours. I want to feel the ecstatic joy of a new city, a new life.

I don’t think senior year is my type of  drink because I’m not used to it. This is the first time- ever- that I’m leaving my friends, family and comfort.

Senior students grew up on water and soda. We are so used to it, that when a new elegant drink comes out, we do not know how to truly prepare it.

There are so many flavors and so many different ways to serve it, I think we just don’t know which tea bag we want to pick up yet. Do I use warm or boil the water? How long do I leave the teabag in?

We all want the real sip. We all want a memorable taste that we can look back on.

But maybe, right now, I prefer coffee.